A DETECTIVE CALLS

"CHARLIE?"

"LAST TIME I LOOKED."

"IT'S PETE."

"DEAR LORD, IT'S BEEN A WHILE. WHAT BROUGHT THIS ON?"

"GOT A QUESTION FOR YOU."

"SHOOT."

"I'M A BLOG READER AND I CAME ACROSS THIS ONE CALLED 'MIDWEST MUSINGS.' THAT COULDN'T BE YOU COULD IT."

"WHAT MAKES YOU THINK THAT?"

"BECAUSE IT SOUNDS EXACTLY LIKE YOU."

"THAT TRANSPARENT, EH."

"SURE IS. TO KNOW YOU CHARLIE, IS...TO KNOW YOU."

"OK, OK. WHAT DO YOU THINK."

"OVERALL I LOVE IT, BUT THE LAST FEW WEEKS OR SO I'M WONDERING WHAT HAS GOTTEN THAT OL' TIME RELIGION INTO YOU? IN THE OLD DAYS YOU WERE SCREAMING TO GET RID OF GLASS STEGLE. NOW YOU WANT IT TO RETURN. WHY?"

"AH PETE, YOU CENTRAL BANK GUYS NEVER UNDERSTAND. GLASS STEGLE WAS AN OUTRIGHT PROHIBITION ON US GUYS COMPETING. ALL I WANTED WAS A LEVEL PLAYING FIELD."

"AND NOW YOU DON'T?"

"OF COURSE I DO BUT WHAT IS BEING PROPOSED UNDER THE GUISE OF GETTING RID OF GLASS STEGLE IS GOING TO SCREW EVERYBODY. THESE IDIOTS ARE FIXATED ON SEPARATING THE DEPOSIT TAKING FUNCTION FROM INVESTMENT BANKING BECAUSE THAT IS THE POPULIST THING TO DO. LIKE THATIS GOING TO AFFECT THIS CONCEPT OF SYSTEMIC RISK THAT NOBODY CAN EXPLAIN BECAUSE NOBODY UNDERSTANDS IT. I GET SO GOD-.."

"NOW, NOW CHARLIE, CALM DOWN I KNOW WHERE YOU'RE GOING."

"OF COURSE YOU KNOW WHERE I'M GOING BECAUSE YOU'RE A DAMN REGULATOR...IF YOU HAD DONE WHAT YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO DO NONE OF THIS WOULD HAVE HAPPENED...OK, OK, THAT MIGHT BE AN OVERSTATEMENT."

"WE ARE AS INNOCENT AS THE DRIVEN SNOW."

'YOU WERE INNOCENT WHEN CENTRAL PARK WAS A FLOWER POT. LOOK, WHAT I WANT IS FOR THE FUNCTIONS TO BE SEPARATED NOT BANNED, AND THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT WAS CONTEMPLATED WHEN THIS LEGISLATION THAT BATTLIN' BOBBY RUBIN AND THE BOYS DID BACK IN '99. THAT WHICH ENGAGED IN ALL OF THESE ACTIVITIES WERE SUPPOSED TO BE SEPARATE ENTITIES, SEPARATELY CAPITALIZED, SEPARATELY MANAGED AND SEPARATELY FUNDED."

WERE THEY?"

"WELL, YES, I MEAN...TO A POINT.'

SO THEY WEREN'T."

WELL THEY WERE, BUT THE UMBRELLA OF THE PARENT WAS DEEMED TO BE OVER THEM, AND..."

"AH HA!"

"AH HA CRAP!" YOU GUYS HAD AND HAVE ALL OF THE AUTHORITY THAT DODD AND THOSE OTHER DOPES WANT TO GIVE TO A POLITICAL HACK. YOU DIDN'Y USE IT. WHAT CAN FIX IT IS ALREADY IN PLACE; WHY DON'T YOU TELL THEM THAT?

"A RHETORICAL QUESTION NO DOUBT, OL'BUDDY."

"RHETORICAL TO THE EXTENT THAT I KNOW THAT HAD YOU GUYS INTERFERED TO THE EXTENT THAT YOU COULD, DODD AND HALF THE HILL WOULD HAVE BEEN ALL OVER YOU LIKE STINK ON POO. BUT YOU DIDN'T, AND NOW WE FACE THIS GARBAGE. TELL ME I'M WRONG PETE OL' BUDDY."

"WHY DON'T YOU EXPLAIN THIS IN GREATER DETAIL TO YOUR WORSHIPFUL AUDIENCE?

"I JUST MIGHT. CAN I SAY WE AGREE?

"CHARLIE, I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU MUCH LESS AGREE WITH YOU. HOW'S THE BRIDE?"

"COULDN'T BE BETTER. KIDS GRADUATE?"

"THEY EVEN HAVE JOBS!"

"WONDERFUL! WHERE?"

"ON THE STREET, OF COURSE. THE MONEY'S GREAT."

"SCREW YOU! KEEP SAVING THE WORLD, PETE."

"WE TRY CHARLIE, WE REALLY TRY. BYE."