Well, I'll tell ya what's the truth. I was fixin' on taking a few days off to sit and have a good ol' tongue wag with my Brit buddy but thisa here is too good to waste. Our boy, good ol' Kenny Lewis done stuck it to them Yankees up in New Yawk and the damn Revenuers in Washington yeserday but goooood! He done went out an quit on 'em! Yessiree, he done told 'em y'all can take this job and stick it where the sun don't shine. You aint gonna have ol' Ken to kick around no more. And guess what? Y'all got no bod ee to replace me. So i'ma gonna take my $100,000,000 and git outa town!! Now aint that the damndest! Never knew ol' Ken had it in him. Course the damn stock tanked a bit but that's ok. Our girl friend Shelia is gonna suck the banks dry anyway come year end so we aint carin' too much about that. My Brit buddy says that's put a cat amungst the pigeons whatever the hell that means but I suspect he's a'saying we got us a hell of a mess on our hands at the biggest bank in the country. Aint nobody runnin' the damn thing! And all of them fancy brokers ol Ken bought at Merrill Lynch. Firstist they be told that gonna work for this Sally Kraw--whatever--gal who didn't do jack at Citicorp and now the guy that brung 'em just went home alone. Man oh man, I do wish I had me a Bank of America phone book. We could trade that for cash money!
Whoo-eee!
Showing posts with label Ken Lewis. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Ken Lewis. Show all posts
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Thursday, June 11, 2009
HERE COME THE JUDGE
Wooo-ee! Billy-Bob here! Did you our good ol' boy Ken up thar on the Hill again today talkin' about what happened when he went out and bought Merrill Lynch? Damn iffin are neighbor didn't look like a Coon up a tree with a bunch ah hound dawgs a yappin' and ascratchin down below. Cept wasn't no dawg there but this little piss-ant fella from O hi o Nama Kuncinich wit a whole bunch ah question written by some damn lawyer designed to do nuttin but get good ol' Ken on the record so that they can come after him later fo' lying to Congress bout who the hell knows what and who the hell cares. I think this Kuncinich boy--or whatever his name be--lives in Cleveland, which shows you how smart he is; All kinds of people be FROM Cleveland but hell, I don't know nobody who still LIVES there!
Anyway it seems that when our Ken be going after Merrill, the damn situation there and everywhere was goin' down faster than a man comin' out of a bedroom winda when the husband come home early. Now ever-damn-body in the world it seems wants to know what Ken knew and when did he know it. And if he knowed Merrill was riper than a two day cow paddy in August, why the hell didn't he back out? Seems that this deal had what these boys was callin' a MAC attached to it. Now I'm askin' my self what in hell does a hamburger got to do with buyin' a bank but it turns out it aint that kind of MAC. No siree, this here MAC is a Material Adverse Change Clause which I guess lets you walk away if stuff happens. So the question was why didn't you walk away Ken, but it turns out that the #1 revenuer--some boy by the name of Paulson and this here Bernanke guy plus the guy who's the head revenuer now, that be Geithner, said un uh. Seems like they said to our boy Ken: "Ken, now you listen up, you hear? It may be material and it may be adverse, but IT AIN'T MATERIALLY ADVERSE! Well, I'll tell you whats the truth; you in this business and those sorts start tellin' you to jump, I figger the onliest thing you better be thinkin' 'bout is where the hell you gonna land when you come down...IF you come down. So poor ol' Ken and his boys figgure these guys got us by the shorts so we better do what they want and they go ahead and buy the damn thing. 'Corse in a month or two they gotta write down some hellacious amount of money so they wind up with the whole world and then some pissed off to all get-out.
Well, that would be bad enough but it seems that the piss-ant and all of his buddies not only want a piece of Ken but they wants a piece of everybody else too! All of a sudden they realize that they don't know who to get 'cause the politics are a little mixed up here. Other thing be if they get this Bernanke guy they might wind up with some fella named Summers who 'parentky pisses off HALF the world jest by wakin' up in the morning. But they stay at it and ask Ken if he felt at all in-tim-a-dated by the revenuers. I'll be damned if Ken don't take a bullet right then and there!!! Didn't say he wasn't but didn't say was neither. Now I got me this Eye-talian friend who would call Ken a stand-up guy. Meebe he's right but could be that he ain't too bright either. It didn't go well fo' Ken but what saved him was that most of those boys along for the ride with the piss-ant were as thick as two fence posts and where I comes from, THAT'S THICK. Anyway I got this here friend of mine who be livin' in the mid-west somewhere and knows something 'bout this. I'm gonna give him a call and find out what he thinks happened. Damned if I can figger it out.
Anyway it seems that when our Ken be going after Merrill, the damn situation there and everywhere was goin' down faster than a man comin' out of a bedroom winda when the husband come home early. Now ever-damn-body in the world it seems wants to know what Ken knew and when did he know it. And if he knowed Merrill was riper than a two day cow paddy in August, why the hell didn't he back out? Seems that this deal had what these boys was callin' a MAC attached to it. Now I'm askin' my self what in hell does a hamburger got to do with buyin' a bank but it turns out it aint that kind of MAC. No siree, this here MAC is a Material Adverse Change Clause which I guess lets you walk away if stuff happens. So the question was why didn't you walk away Ken, but it turns out that the #1 revenuer--some boy by the name of Paulson and this here Bernanke guy plus the guy who's the head revenuer now, that be Geithner, said un uh. Seems like they said to our boy Ken: "Ken, now you listen up, you hear? It may be material and it may be adverse, but IT AIN'T MATERIALLY ADVERSE! Well, I'll tell you whats the truth; you in this business and those sorts start tellin' you to jump, I figger the onliest thing you better be thinkin' 'bout is where the hell you gonna land when you come down...IF you come down. So poor ol' Ken and his boys figgure these guys got us by the shorts so we better do what they want and they go ahead and buy the damn thing. 'Corse in a month or two they gotta write down some hellacious amount of money so they wind up with the whole world and then some pissed off to all get-out.
Well, that would be bad enough but it seems that the piss-ant and all of his buddies not only want a piece of Ken but they wants a piece of everybody else too! All of a sudden they realize that they don't know who to get 'cause the politics are a little mixed up here. Other thing be if they get this Bernanke guy they might wind up with some fella named Summers who 'parentky pisses off HALF the world jest by wakin' up in the morning. But they stay at it and ask Ken if he felt at all in-tim-a-dated by the revenuers. I'll be damned if Ken don't take a bullet right then and there!!! Didn't say he wasn't but didn't say was neither. Now I got me this Eye-talian friend who would call Ken a stand-up guy. Meebe he's right but could be that he ain't too bright either. It didn't go well fo' Ken but what saved him was that most of those boys along for the ride with the piss-ant were as thick as two fence posts and where I comes from, THAT'S THICK. Anyway I got this here friend of mine who be livin' in the mid-west somewhere and knows something 'bout this. I'm gonna give him a call and find out what he thinks happened. Damned if I can figger it out.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
QUEL SURPRISE!
That's French folks. Know what it means? Stunner of all stunners, it appears--at least according to the Wall Street Journal--that Bank of America and Citigroup might need more capital. Then again, if one speaks with the people who are running the institutions, maybe they don't. And whilst we try to unwind this little conundrum, didn't the Administration, taking a page from "A Walk in the Sun," which is of course familiar to our loyal readers, announce some time ago that, "Nobody dies?" Well, if you have in effect guaranteed the largest banks around, why the hell to they have to go through this exercise of raising more capital in what might be categorized as perhaps not the best of times for such an exercise? Seems like a waste of time to me; hell, just let them earn their way out of it (if they can) just like banks have always done.
Then of course is the irksome question of what kind of capital are we talking about. In theory, capital in regard to a bank as with most other organization is there to protect the institution from losses and by the standards of the Basel Accord all the banks who were subjected to the stress test have adequate capital. Ah ha, say some, there is capital and then there is CAPITAL. It would appear for example the the $45 billion Uncle has in Citigroup aint the kind of Capital one wants because it is in the form of preferred shares not common shares or to make it real simple, the kind of capital against which losses can be directly charged. If your reaction to the thought that $45 billion is no good is, "Huh" you and I are on the same page. Now this piece of regulatory genius comes from the same folks that were all for mark to market treatment for everything, but if you eliminate the mark to market "risk" and get back to cash accrual, doesn't a good deal of the concern for what kind of capital one has go away (as if it should have been there in the first place)? This of course begs the question as to whether "Capital" is relevant in a banking context, but you've heard enough from me on that subject. Nevertheless Mr. Pandit, Citi's CEO has announced his intention of converting the government's preferred shares into common equity thereby making Our Hero The Head Hummer at the joint that never sleeps. The fact that it completely and totally screws the equity holders and everybody else who stuck with this thing until the next generation at least is apparently of no interest to anyone. It can well be said that Citi was nationalized months ago but the finality of this action is still a bit off-putting. Worse yet, is the thought of the government getting control of a pot of money this big. Yikes! In one swell foop, The Leader has found himself the biggest pot of gold around which he can redistribute in the name of the exercise of a management function. Of course Mr. Pandit will pander to the thought in order to keep his job, and one wonders why as he has more money that he could possibly ever spend in a life-time unless he marries my wife. Then too, the Chairman, Mr. Parsons, has caused to be appointed four new directors to the Board who know something about banks and banking...in fact they know A LOT about banks and banking. Michael O'Neill is one of the best I have ever known. There may be hope.
And as for our North carolina good ol' boys...Damn, our boy Ken just found out those damn Yankees at PIMCO ar 'bout to vote 22,000,000 shares 'gainst hisself and all o' the 18 of his boys on the board. Actually, you have to feel sorry for poor ol' Ken. Seems as though he got handled by Paulson and Bernanke and Our Hero---yes, dear reader he was there as well--and as a result all sorts of folks are calling for him to be thrown in the hoosegow for misleading his shareholders. I haven't a clue as to the true story but I can sympathize with him as many years ago I was asked by a group of regulators to extend credit to a certain Latin American Country with all of my management missing in action. It is a very lonely feeling. Anyway, there has been speculation that B of A would find it easier to raise capital than Citi. With a new Chairman and CEO and an entire new board if PIMCO finds the support it needs? I don't think so unless markets have changed more than I realize since I put down my green eye shade. So one might ask, "What is to be accomplished by all this at this time?" Beats the hell out of me again. I'm not much help am I? Maybe we will have some answers tomorrow. If you have any ideas, clue me in.
Then of course is the irksome question of what kind of capital are we talking about. In theory, capital in regard to a bank as with most other organization is there to protect the institution from losses and by the standards of the Basel Accord all the banks who were subjected to the stress test have adequate capital. Ah ha, say some, there is capital and then there is CAPITAL. It would appear for example the the $45 billion Uncle has in Citigroup aint the kind of Capital one wants because it is in the form of preferred shares not common shares or to make it real simple, the kind of capital against which losses can be directly charged. If your reaction to the thought that $45 billion is no good is, "Huh" you and I are on the same page. Now this piece of regulatory genius comes from the same folks that were all for mark to market treatment for everything, but if you eliminate the mark to market "risk" and get back to cash accrual, doesn't a good deal of the concern for what kind of capital one has go away (as if it should have been there in the first place)? This of course begs the question as to whether "Capital" is relevant in a banking context, but you've heard enough from me on that subject. Nevertheless Mr. Pandit, Citi's CEO has announced his intention of converting the government's preferred shares into common equity thereby making Our Hero The Head Hummer at the joint that never sleeps. The fact that it completely and totally screws the equity holders and everybody else who stuck with this thing until the next generation at least is apparently of no interest to anyone. It can well be said that Citi was nationalized months ago but the finality of this action is still a bit off-putting. Worse yet, is the thought of the government getting control of a pot of money this big. Yikes! In one swell foop, The Leader has found himself the biggest pot of gold around which he can redistribute in the name of the exercise of a management function. Of course Mr. Pandit will pander to the thought in order to keep his job, and one wonders why as he has more money that he could possibly ever spend in a life-time unless he marries my wife. Then too, the Chairman, Mr. Parsons, has caused to be appointed four new directors to the Board who know something about banks and banking...in fact they know A LOT about banks and banking. Michael O'Neill is one of the best I have ever known. There may be hope.
And as for our North carolina good ol' boys...Damn, our boy Ken just found out those damn Yankees at PIMCO ar 'bout to vote 22,000,000 shares 'gainst hisself and all o' the 18 of his boys on the board. Actually, you have to feel sorry for poor ol' Ken. Seems as though he got handled by Paulson and Bernanke and Our Hero---yes, dear reader he was there as well--and as a result all sorts of folks are calling for him to be thrown in the hoosegow for misleading his shareholders. I haven't a clue as to the true story but I can sympathize with him as many years ago I was asked by a group of regulators to extend credit to a certain Latin American Country with all of my management missing in action. It is a very lonely feeling. Anyway, there has been speculation that B of A would find it easier to raise capital than Citi. With a new Chairman and CEO and an entire new board if PIMCO finds the support it needs? I don't think so unless markets have changed more than I realize since I put down my green eye shade. So one might ask, "What is to be accomplished by all this at this time?" Beats the hell out of me again. I'm not much help am I? Maybe we will have some answers tomorrow. If you have any ideas, clue me in.
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