MASSIMO

"CHARLIE! Com'es stai?!"

"Massimo!  Where the hell have you been?  I've been trying to reach you."

"Geneva.  I go for the waters.  No, I go for the operation."

"What operation?  You sick?"

"Eh, I get the old man thing, but the Swiss doctors they tell me you no worry.  They put in a bunch of what they call "beads" and they say this kill everything but not my...how you say..."

"Yeah, yeah I understand.  Damn, I'm really sorry to hear that but I have a couple of friends that have had the procedure.  Worked fine.  They're fixed."

"So why all you smart guys no fix this stupido of a government you have?"

"You know, Massimo, you have a hell of a nerve.  You guys haven't had a government since the war that lasted more that 3 years and you lecture me!"

"Piano, piano, Charlie.  (laughing)  Itsa not many times Italians can laugh at America.  But you make it too easy these past two months.  We gotta the 'Red Line' then she's a gone.  We bomb then we no bomb.  We hate Iran and then we play 'bacca il culo.'   And now you get the "Shut Down."  This guy, he's a better than Beppo.  Not like Italia."

"Oh God, here it comes."

"Eh your friend Berlusconi.  You see what he do?"

"I did and frankly I was surprised.  How did that happen."

"We have a talk."

"Who?  You?'

"Not exactly, ma I know what they talk about."

"And?"

"Anda we say, 'Look you do this and maybe you win next time but maybe there is no next time.  You old, maybe too old to run...maybe you not run at all.'"

"You're joking."

"Not too much.  Look, Charlie, thisa bad.  I no care but either we stay in or we go out.  Ma, with no government, we can do nothing.  This guy it no about him anymore and we make him see that.  Better he go...maybe we no put him in prison.  I think thatsa better cause then he no talk...but if he talk...He understand.  Now at least we can try to get a government that works and first thing, we musta fix the banks."

"So it's come down to it eh?"

"Fa sure."

"And the finish?"

"I'ma no know.  Jesu Charlie, things got bad while I'm gone, but I fix me and may I can help fix Italia.  And then..."

"Here it comes..."

"Wha!  You think I say I come to your place and fix you?  No body that pazo Mio amico.  I live too good here.  You should come stay."

"Now I can."

"EH, Wadda you say?  How you do that?"

"Just found out my Grandfather didn't become a citizen until after my father was born.  That means he was an Italian and so am  I!"

"PELLA MADONNA!  Charlie, we have enough troubles without more Americani come here.  Stay the hell home, eh.  You come to visit, eh.  No stay.  We have hell of a time.  The you go back."

"I probably will, but if..."

"Charlie, ciao, eh.  I call you soon, ok?  Buona fortuna with that Cretino you have.  I go. Ciao!"

"Ciao, Massimo.  It's always a joy."